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Scrambled cities: If you're not gonna do the work(on your soul), then you might as well work til you die

 There are two tiers in normal life. Those who are survive and those who thrive.  But nothing is a mistake in life: Nothing comes by chance. You have to prepare for it.  If you thought life was about making money and beating out the Jones's, you've lost already.  Life is: Desire for connection. All unhealthy competition is isolating. We live in an isolated-enough world already. This connection comes from a surprising place: Self-acceptance. A lot of us need to go back to the classroom. A lot of us need to take a silent breather and check in with what we need. This takes serious work. It's the real work. It relies on respect for others and self-respect.  A lot of people in the self-help community try to push the self aside: Manning up is the only side of it they see. But there are certain non-negotiables in this life. Certain things we can't cheat ourselves out of. We are not a piece of meat being acted on.    However, this is where God comes in. Some o...
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Walking round town and feeling useless

It's fairly obvious to everyone around me that I'm a man of little to no ambition. At least so I thought. Today I decided to treat myself to sushi at a chain restaurant called Simply Asia, and I found that I was treated with undue friendliness, first by the waitress, and then by a young woman who came wondering in.

Is this my deserved state? To be treated with kindness? Or am I not nearly so important? I cannot decide why. In in my grunge hair and my puke-yellow hoodie someone would have to be a little crazy to treat me nicely. Just don't respect myself today, that's the fact of the matter. Just don't have the patience with people who do.

So when she came to the window which admitted a view of the kitchen staff working on the food orders, and where I was sitting, my original instinct was not to look at her, but to close up. To make as if I'd not been the cause of her coming across to me.

Yet when she left, she smiled at me. I made a point of looking into her eyes and she smiled at me. I smiled back. And she left. She waited outside for a while, and then that was that. The end of an evening. It did not get better after that.

I sat by the ocean choking on my wasabi and crying a little. I look for any excuse to cry because tears don't come easily. Then I went and bought an expensive ice cream which did not improve things. I just felt lonely and as if no one would be there to talk to me, not only on this night, but forever.

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