Kyle and Violence

I in my isolation keep thinking that maybe I deserved what came for me that night. It troubles me that I was not able to fight back. I was prevented by something other than cowardice though. It was basic decency. And decency is what he's afraid of; but I would not be surprised if he confused decency with weakness. As I sit here alone it is difficult to think that a world exists there, outside of me. I want to go and meet it; but what is it that I want to meet exactly? This is a dangerous country with dangerous people and there aren't too many christians. Maybe I am too un-christian to find the one I love. Maybe that's my problem. If I do not find a girlfriend who is equally christian as me,  I am essentially ignoring the tennet that all couples should be equally yoked.

He had a very uneasy relationship with truth and specifically the idea of the devil. In his mind, he was the dragon, and I was the knight, and I may have died that evening if he didn't get his way. He would happily have killed to get his ego's way. Last night, a dream about medieval fights fitted the bill. He was the enemy and I had to pick something to fight with but every weapon I chose seemed inadequate somehow; one, for instance was for slapping someone on the face; but such a weapon would not cause any mortal harm, and this it seemed, was mortal combat. There was also a mountain-climbing scene in which I scaled the side of a mountain and it was very trecherous, but I did it anyway.