Our daily bread

Lord, help me that I do not slip, that my emotions become uncontrollable and I slip into the abyss. My eyes are sore today. I tried to cry them clean yesterday. Today, one of them is fogged over. I don't know what's happening to me.

The classes I taught today were not well behaved. One humbled me. The teacher of the first class told me not to make the kids write but to put the names of the flashcards on the board and then to let the kids match them underneath.

The other teachers seem to act strangely around me. I  had a dream last night about a girl with a revolving set of teeth. She was not the pretty girl I'd met online but rather a strange-toothed demon who had removed her whole bottom jaw just to avoid the pain of swallowing.

I am trying hard to fit it. But just because they don't understand me doesn't mean I need to give up or even feel the need to give up. I felt misunderstood most of the time. If I cry it's okay. It's not that I'm weak. It's that I'm feeling my way in the dark and I see some flash of light in the distance beautiful enough to know God is real.

I don't understand the others. They don't share  common thread. I cry because I'm strong. I cry because I'm tired. I cry for many different reasons but if you can't accept me for crying that's okay too. I don't want to have my instincts thrown away for things I can't help. I don't want a negative spin put on my most prized feelings.