Music for the effete

 It could never last, this party in my head of dopamine release. I don't know what I was thinking. Oh, wait I do. Nothing. There is nothing in my mind when that stuff happens. It's not my world anymore. Yesterday it was with me. Today it's like it never happened. Like the girls I rejected, Life has rejected me. I wish I had more to say on the matter. The fact is that I'm stumped. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. I've been studying people and finding them boring. Should I just make up my own people? Thing is I feel I might be too boring too. I stare into my coin jar and realize that I can't save up my energy, no matter how much money I save. Then again, you could argue that money is a form of energy. What a boring argument. What a boring thing to say. I don't trust anyone anymore. I don't even trust Steve with my best interests.

So what do I do now? Go to Krabi where the sun is always shining, or just stay at home for the weekend? I don't feel right about the whole thing. I've lost my faith in my ability to make decisions. My body hurts. All the pain that I dopamine bombed my brain with yesterday is back again. Same situation, I guess. Life carries on as it did before. It's not like it got worse. It's the same, but now I have no furniture of fake dopamine decor to deal with it. Sleep on this hard unfurnished floor. 

Perhaps I'll just go to Krabi and read Hemmingway all weekend.