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Throw a dog a bone

 Girls make a million excuses to avoid being with the guy who isn't the one they're interested in at that moment.  They keep a bunch of sausages on the backburner most times.  This one girl who I liked said her tonsils were out and she couldn't make it after 3 months of love emojis and this kind of thing. Then it was something else. She said she was in a dating relationship. Only, there was no evidence on IG. Women change their minds all the time and they don't like to be forced to meet someone.  Maybe they just like talking to you on the DM's for an ego boost. One thing's for sure though; If you try to force them to meet they back out quicker than an alleyway cat before a pile of exploding excrement.
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Music for the effete

 It could never last, this party in my head of dopamine release. I don't know what I was thinking. Oh, wait I do. Nothing. There is nothing in my mind when that stuff happens. It's not my world anymore. Yesterday it was with me. Today it's like it never happened. Like the girls I rejected, Life has rejected me. I wish I had more to say on the matter. The fact is that I'm stumped. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. I've been studying people and finding them boring. Should I just make up my own people? Thing is I feel I might be too boring too. I stare into my coin jar and realize that I can't save up my energy, no matter how much money I save. Then again, you could argue that money is a form of energy. What a boring argument. What a boring thing to say. I don't trust anyone anymore. I don't even trust Steve with my best interests.

So what do I do now? Go to Krabi where the sun is always shining, or just stay at home for the weekend? I don't feel right about the whole thing. I've lost my faith in my ability to make decisions. My body hurts. All the pain that I dopamine bombed my brain with yesterday is back again. Same situation, I guess. Life carries on as it did before. It's not like it got worse. It's the same, but now I have no furniture of fake dopamine decor to deal with it. Sleep on this hard unfurnished floor. 

Perhaps I'll just go to Krabi and read Hemmingway all weekend.

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