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Scrambled cities: If you're not gonna do the work(on your soul), then you might as well work til you die

 There are two tiers in normal life. Those who are survive and those who thrive.  But nothing is a mistake in life: Nothing comes by chance. You have to prepare for it.  If you thought life was about making money and beating out the Jones's, you've lost already.  Life is: Desire for connection. All unhealthy competition is isolating. We live in an isolated-enough world already. This connection comes from a surprising place: Self-acceptance. A lot of us need to go back to the classroom. A lot of us need to take a silent breather and check in with what we need. This takes serious work. It's the real work. It relies on respect for others and self-respect.  A lot of people in the self-help community try to push the self aside: Manning up is the only side of it they see. But there are certain non-negotiables in this life. Certain things we can't cheat ourselves out of. We are not a piece of meat being acted on.    However, this is where God comes in. Some o...
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Music for the effete

 It could never last, this party in my head of dopamine release. I don't know what I was thinking. Oh, wait I do. Nothing. There is nothing in my mind when that stuff happens. It's not my world anymore. Yesterday it was with me. Today it's like it never happened. Like the girls I rejected, Life has rejected me. I wish I had more to say on the matter. The fact is that I'm stumped. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. I've been studying people and finding them boring. Should I just make up my own people? Thing is I feel I might be too boring too. I stare into my coin jar and realize that I can't save up my energy, no matter how much money I save. Then again, you could argue that money is a form of energy. What a boring argument. What a boring thing to say. I don't trust anyone anymore. I don't even trust Steve with my best interests.

So what do I do now? Go to Krabi where the sun is always shining, or just stay at home for the weekend? I don't feel right about the whole thing. I've lost my faith in my ability to make decisions. My body hurts. All the pain that I dopamine bombed my brain with yesterday is back again. Same situation, I guess. Life carries on as it did before. It's not like it got worse. It's the same, but now I have no furniture of fake dopamine decor to deal with it. Sleep on this hard unfurnished floor. 

Perhaps I'll just go to Krabi and read Hemmingway all weekend.

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