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Scrambled cities: If you're not gonna do the work(on your soul), then you might as well work til you die

 There are two tiers in normal life. Those who are survive and those who thrive.  But nothing is a mistake in life: Nothing comes by chance. You have to prepare for it.  If you thought life was about making money and beating out the Jones's, you've lost already.  Life is: Desire for connection. All unhealthy competition is isolating. We live in an isolated-enough world already. This connection comes from a surprising place: Self-acceptance. A lot of us need to go back to the classroom. A lot of us need to take a silent breather and check in with what we need. This takes serious work. It's the real work. It relies on respect for others and self-respect.  A lot of people in the self-help community try to push the self aside: Manning up is the only side of it they see. But there are certain non-negotiables in this life. Certain things we can't cheat ourselves out of. We are not a piece of meat being acted on.    However, this is where God comes in. Some o...
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This lady keeps contacting me

 Says she'll make me great. Says she could scale me up to 40,000 dollars a month. Hell That would be pretty marvelous. Though listen, all I want for myself is the Bukowski lifestyle. I was thinking of Long Beach today, and that bookshop. Some of my most idyllic days were as a bookshop browser. I recall looking at books and this beautiful girl laughed at something I said. I'd really believed up until that point that anti-darwinian books were stored away from public view. Now I had in my hands a book that was completely open to doubting Darwin and I wondered if it was being hidden from public view, and the girl laughed because I must have seemed like a real eccentric. I couldn't believe they were being displayed in the front where the entrance was. I don't know what she thought of me. Could I have asked her out on a date? I know that acting spontaneously like that can get you far with the ladies. Well anyway, .it was not to be. 

I have no care in the world for teaching. I just want to live in a place and get free holidays. Free board and lodging and so on. That time in Bangkok was a dream come true. I could stay there indefinitely if I had to. Some would call it a slum, I'd call it good old fashioned Soi livin'. I'm a complicated soul, I know. There is much to be found in old places like that. Much of the soul resides in the squalor. Maybe I don't want the money. Maybe I just want the respect. Maybe I know that I deserve the respect that's hanging out on the line to dry just for me.  


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