Says she'll make me great. Says she could scale me up to 40,000 dollars a month. Hell That would be pretty marvelous. Though listen, all I want for myself is the Bukowski lifestyle. I was thinking of Long Beach today, and that bookshop. Some of my most idyllic days were as a bookshop browser. I recall looking at books and this beautiful girl laughed at something I said. I'd really believed up until that point that anti-darwinian books were stored away from public view. Now I had in my hands a book that was completely open to doubting Darwin and I wondered if it was being hidden from public view, and the girl laughed because I must have seemed like a real eccentric. I couldn't believe they were being displayed in the front where the entrance was. I don't know what she thought of me. Could I have asked her out on a date? I know that acting spontaneously like that can get you far with the ladies. Well anyway, .it was not to be.
I have no care in the world for teaching. I just want to live in a place and get free holidays. Free board and lodging and so on. That time in Bangkok was a dream come true. I could stay there indefinitely if I had to. Some would call it a slum, I'd call it good old fashioned Soi livin'. I'm a complicated soul, I know. There is much to be found in old places like that. Much of the soul resides in the squalor. Maybe I don't want the money. Maybe I just want the respect. Maybe I know that I deserve the respect that's hanging out on the line to dry just for me.
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