A glorious political miasma

 Another day in the glorious political miasma of South Africa... I'm sorry, there's just no way to avoid it. It sucks your soul dry this crappy place. Every time you see some jacknut on the 

news whose job you could do a hundred or a million times better, you just lose the motivation to get out of bed. I know I'm searching for excuses, but this is the way of things now. This 

is the nature and state of this country and nothing save a roguish delight will save it from total oblivion. Oh, and I have a case of tinnitus too, thanks to Hamishe's mom. That particular

brood is a no good set of people. Saw Cheryl yesterday too and it was very bland... I can't be talking trash on the beach about different dimensions I don't even believe in. This fool of 

a South American who claims he's seen the lost realm of atlantis is the biggest idiot of the lot. I suppose the smart way to win at trading is to go up one percent at a time. Don't let the 

devil know what you're doing. It's all psychology. In fact it's 1 hundred percent psychology. Find a logarithmic channel and follow the hell out of it. Keep fighting, keep gaining even if 

it's by one percent over the course of a week. Off 70 dollars that's 115 rand at the end of the year. Off 30 dollars that's 50 dollars at the end of the year. Keep doing that and keep 

doing it well, diversify and you'll have yourself a winning strategy. The thing that kills me is all the dips and rises. Gee wizz this Tinnitus is annoying. It all started with 

Hamish's mother, she didn't have to do what she did. First she shuffles me in there and says "How do you know Hamish?" and next thing you know she's pouring this dreaded solution into 

my ear, and now I find everyting tiring and annoying, and I wake up to loud bangs that aren't there and I just want to freak out at tiny things. I have suffered a definite personaly 

change under this new malady. I can't seem to shake it now. It just stays there. I suppose one of the things I have to be grateful for is having discovered the picaresque novel. I love this

genre because it appeals to my sense of vengeance and I'm even adopting a roguish persona on facebook. The things that are supposed to be blasphemous, I am sharing like there's no tomorrow. 

I had woken up hoping it was Saturday today. The weekend can't come soon enough. I've had enough of this stupid drudge-work. Give me a fancy office job. I've had enough of this 

incapacitating work. It's the same thing with incapacitating relationships. The're all good for nothing at the end of the day. So here's the deal: I've got to have only so many things on 

the go. Too many and I get stressed out of my bracket, too few and I begin to waste my life away. I was soft for most of my life. I used to dress up like the greats, like Johnny and the 

rest but those people are all freaks. I realize that now, only too late. Don't try to be like Johnny and all the rest. Be who you have to be for a healthy, successful life. This world

hasn't given me anything without a whole lot of work attatched to it, nor do I expect it to, but it's been rough and unfulfilling; and now I stand at the precipice of my middle years and 

I'm thinking to myself, "What the hell have I even been doing?" I can't make sense of any of it. It's like staring at a rat's ass all day and thinking, why am I here? All of this nonsense

is owing to some kinds of faulty attitudes I've had; but I don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater either. That might be fatal. All I want to do is reassess things and see 

where I can improve. I'm slowly learning for instance that the female sex is to be treasured, but that that doesn't mean you have to embrace all members of it. Aiya is an example; I now 

feel answerable to her father and her mother and all the rest because I used her according to my desires. I was dreaming about another chinese woman last night. The details are unclear, 

but I'd done something or other to her, or I'd cheated her out of something and the church or someone was onto me. It just isn't fitting for a christian to go about the kinds of things 

I've done. It's difficult though, to filter out the world from the needs of the future one desires. Perhaps none of it's sustainable. My overriding sense is that I've experienced too 

little and that the world has gone too fast. We've moved into this future much too fast and we're standing here a little paralyzed by it. I just want to get my initial back. I've leveraged

the hell out of the tiniest bits and bobs that I have and now I want it back just as it was, but it doesn't really work that way; and laziness has counted against me. But at least I know

the types of things I want. I know the good things that life has to offer on the simplest and most mundane of levels. For instance, I can easily identify the kinds of environments that 

help me to become productive, versus those that set my health back etc. And on the very basic level I do believe that I don't pay enough attention to this body of mine. I just use it to 

get around and to do things that are required but I don't do my stretches anymore. I don't ramp things up. Perhaps I need to look into the data driven way of life. I can't actually remember

what happened yesterday. I just sprayed a bunch of plants in my mom's garden and now my wrists are sore for it. And my mom booked a mother's day outing at the Zesty Lemon, which will 

be absolutely fraught for me because I'll be the only man there. And I'm not particularly looking forward to something as pointless as all that. I guess I don't miss much about my life 

around people I don't choose. I don't choose to hang around with a bunch of boring post-menopausal women. I do miss trips to the beach. But after all, tomorrow is mother's day, so 

I'd better show that I'm a good sport. I'm gettin sick of this work. I want to enjoy the free thing in life. And I also want to learn new skills. Last night I was looking for information

on how to scrape websites. If I can get information and then use some kind of algorithm to make me rich, that'll be the cream of life. I can do anything if I use this Kaizen principle. 

Don't slog it. Don't force your muscles into action. Improve at a thing 1 percent per day. Improvement upon improvement. That's how trees grow. That's how nature works. We're ripping the 

guts out of nature because we don't follow this basic principle. Actually I do want something out of life, but people as a whole aren't going to give it to me, so a bit of aggression is 

in order, and only when it comes to sharks. I can't stand the thought of using gullible individuals to my advantage. One day at the judgment seat I want to be part of that number after all/ 

Well these lines are coming to an end. I wanted to say that I was planning on a moveable device that can spray the plants so that I don't have to do it by hand. Preferably it'll be some 

kind of frame with adjustable arms and which will just admit in water through sprayers which will mist the water and feed the foliage in that way. I don't know what I'm looking for exactly

but maybe I could attatch something that already exists and then pump it with gravity. It seems like a lot of force is needed to push water through thin holes though. I just honestly 

want my life to feel like it's moving, and not stagnant. And I don't want to sit at this computer day after day hoping that things will change. The few joys I have are computer games and 

the sea. Perhaps I can change the computer game to something like coding over time. All I know is, this empty feeling that I wake up with every day is too heavy. It's getting better I 

suppose, but it shouldn't be there at all. I want to fight it, and I want to fight the people like Ik Q who have been my adversary, even if I can learn things from them to defeat them with.