But how is it with your heart?

 I know that most of you are up to your fourth or seventh or twelfth serious relationship, and I know that everything's going so well. You have the right car, the right house, the right family... Instagrammable

But how is it with your heart? Can you love as you did the first time? Can you  say that it's worth loving that way again, or are you too jaded? Because I did. I did, last year. I loved that way. 

And she loved me too, and she thought she'd never leave me, and I did too. I loved her family - her grandmother, her cousins, I loved her mother, I was not so fond of her father...

When we cried together one night under the bed lamp, it's because I thought I was losing her. I thought that she was gone forever. That she would disappear into another mans' arms at that student bar. 

I don't know why I felt that I'd lose her. I still love her in a true sense of loving. I still feel her heart beating on my chest sometimes. I just wonder what could have brought her to ever leave.

But that first love was eternal. It will go down eternally as something new. It was the first and the last time I'll probably feel that way... And I cried. Oh how I cried. I got sick too. Every morning I was ill. 

I thought we'd marry, and have kids who looked like her. I thought she was the one. And I'm not rushing to find a second one because she loved me dearly, I know she did.