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Throw a dog a bone

 Girls make a million excuses to avoid being with the guy who isn't the one they're interested in at that moment.  They keep a bunch of sausages on the backburner most times.  This one girl who I liked said her tonsils were out and she couldn't make it after 3 months of love emojis and this kind of thing. Then it was something else. She said she was in a dating relationship. Only, there was no evidence on IG. Women change their minds all the time and they don't like to be forced to meet someone.  Maybe they just like talking to you on the DM's for an ego boost. One thing's for sure though; If you try to force them to meet they back out quicker than an alleyway cat before a pile of exploding excrement.
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I am not a frat boy. 30 days in and I feel hollower than before.



YES

 So I'm back in Thailand after a hiatus in South Africa to help my mother with her lawn service after she contracted covid.


 This time I took my mom on holiday. That's not as generous as it sounds though, trust me. I am not paying... I am still the loser who has been fratting since 8 and is now 36 with only a bachelor's degree to his name. And I'm scrounging for work in Thailand of all places.

Aaand I haven't lost any of the ol' pearl jam since I embarked on this trip. A month ago. Fratting was an easy way out for me but now that I'm not doing it, I feel a total and utter loser. I relied on that for my ego boost. A bit like a negative smoothie. It takes away your power. Now I just have literature and I am reading Homer's Odyssey by the way, in case you're interested 

Last night admittedly, I felt on top of the world but this morning I am just drained. I guess it's going to get better and better the more I stay on track. Those positive moments I mean? What's your experience? Do they become more frequent as you go on? Because I feel so low right now. And old... 36 is after all ancient. 

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