The first time I tasted the real world was when I broke my arm. A kid called Fransie used to send kids up into the stratosphere and not give a damn if they landed safely or not. He had no limits.
It was a cool day in the community flats. These were cheap flats where lower middle class people like my mom could live comfortably. I was daydreaming and looking up at the trees. There was a big palm tree and through it I could see the clouds moving past in an idyllic peaceful way. I said to Fransie: "Do you think I can get up to those trees? I want to climb the highest one. I was pointing at the big palm tree. Things were still good in South Africa back then. Things were still possible. There was a feeling of promise in the air. I felt that promise, and so did everyone else.
"Sure he said. It's possible. All you have to do is let me launch you."
"How do you do that?" I asked naively
He said" Well I need to use my legs like a spring. He bent his knees close to his body and he said "sit on my feet. If you do that, in this way you can definitely reach those trees."
"What do I do when I get there?" I asked.
"That part's up to you" he said.
"Okay" I replied compulsively.
When someone offers you a ticket to the moon the last thing a kid wants to do is refuse the offer. In fact, when the person who offers the ticket to the moon starts saying:
"You'd better go quickly. I'm not going to sit like this forever"
You feel impelled to go ahead with it or face a lifetime of regret.
I remember things turning very bad that day very quickly. For a short few seconds I was whizzing up like an astronaut to the moon. Then a moment of weightlessness. At that moment I think I remember myself giggling. It's always like that when you're on top of the world.
I remember feeling that way when my girlfriend took me out to places the year before last. We were whirling through space just enjoying our lives with no time to think about the past or future. We were enjoying the sun streaming through the window onto our naked backs and chests, and twirling on fresh bed covers. And imagining the future together forever. I even shouted in the middle of it all: "I love you!"
This was how I felt about the universe and love. I always thought they'd carry me aloft on a bed of perfume onto higher and higher plains.
Perhaps that's why I have had a fascination with drugs. You might be at hell's door, but as Jimi Hendrix said, "And the mountains ⛰️ crash into the sea, I'll be alright".
But these things never last. Even looks fade. Especially those of women who were once a picture of heaven to us. Charles Dickens was aghast when, married, he met up in a tryste with his former crush. One poet, I think it was Keats, wrote that when he finally ascended the mountain, it wasn't even worth it. But that's a different topic. At the moment when gravity ceases, we all think it's worth it.
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