Imagine you woke up only to realize that your toast is burnt, and only to realize that instead of toast, it's actually your life that's burnt. Wouldn't that be a sad and crazy thing? That your life is in a whirlwind of change and you haven't started to change it despite working to make it better? That is the predicament I'm starting my morning off with. That is the level of discomfort I'm feeling. It's surreal that I'm here. I don't even know how this came about. Am I dreaming? No apparently not. The parasite in my heart is very real and it wants to overcome me. So I'm not sure what the next step is. I'm feeling like a mess. Not saying I am one but I feel like it.
Anyway, that paranoia is largely gone now. Now I'm waking up. The feeling that things might come together slowly is beaming on me. I just need to avoid my addictions, which blind me to the reality of my life. It's not easy to find peace for me because I'm often working too hard to find it. Sometimes you only need to step back and realize what is real and what isn't;
For instance, when you feel so terrible, grab onto what is real. I will start:
Today I am listening to the fear that men will have before the Lord's return. The fainting of men will be a feature. I feel as if I'm fainting all the time, and does this mean I'm not a true believer? Let me sanctify myself before the Lord. Let me clean things up and get things moving. It's not my faint to be burnt out. No, I believe there are greater plans for me if I only repent. Praise the Lord even when times are precarious!
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