Never had I imagined that I'd be open to meeting someone who didn't hold exclusive sway over my heart, but instead holds the hearts of a few men. But here we are. She changed her profile picture after meeting me on Tinder. I only realized this just now though. What should I do? We do stupid things in life. And go along with them. I'm hoping she doesn't break my heart. I'm hoping that meeting her isn't a really stupid thing. I can't convince her to be anything else. I can't convince my heart otherwise once it's set on someone either. Brace yourself my heart, we might be in for some turbulence, or as I'm on the ferry to Samui, rough seas . She agreed to meet me, and that's something...
It'd be nice to tell her that what I like about her is the fact that she doesn't mess with my mind a lot. Maybe that'll come later. But for now she really doesn't. She's breezy. She's nice and friendly with a touch of the amazing. There I go again... getting hooked on someone I barely know.
Here's the thing though: I was really trying to escape the feeling of being trapped. There are some women that drive a man insane. This one I had a conversation with from Tinder had her bikini hitched right up high and it was a red one that creased in insane and painful ways right at the meeting place of her pegs. A kind of self-torture on her part. It just made me think of periods and babies and craziness. But I pray to God that if there's any way that this new one can work, He'll do it for me. This new girl. She devotes time to me and I love that about her. I love her smiling eyes too. There's a lot that I love about her. She's easy-going and never complains. She agreed to meet me after all. I know. I know. Here I go again...
Yes, Okay, so it's not bothering me right now, but logically at least, in a way I don't care too much to think about, there are things that don't seem to make sense. On the one hand the church I go to is too boring, but maybe there's more to the picture than meets the eye there too. You need a community. You have to be around people. This thing I'm doing; going over to meet this girl, well it's a little weird in relation to the fact that I'm going to Christian fellowships and about to teach at a Christian school.
Yesterday I called Dr Penland Doctor Penderton. That was stupid and kept me annoyed with myself as I raced back in the rain because I was late but too convenient to tell him. There are things I don't understand about myself. Certain... Short circuits... But that's me and I'm going to work through it all. I do in the end love the feeling of being free. The feeling of being able to make stupid mistakes and not be judged for them. One freedom is money. In that sense I don't have freedom yet.
I also canceled my work at Kiddee daycare because that lady Jik started doing funny things with pay. She started dropping off figures like there was no tomorrow, not paying me for hours that I made myself available during, not remembering that English teachers are in high demand in Thailand. So now that's her problem. She can go find a teacher elsewhere. The only issue I now have is that my coffers will get drained before the end of the month. But I'm a bit sick of not being told what the deal is. People just assume I'm going to take less pay and then act all sweet about it.
That woman Jik is a typical example of what's wrong with Thailand. The people gladhand you and then they do odd things. I don't want to be rigid and say "those days are over" of trusting people but in this case they certainly are. I can cut people off like there's no tomorrow too. Just watch me. This chick on the other side of this ferry ride had better know that too.
I even got a playlist for the trip. I don't care if it's too commercial
Comments
Post a Comment