No pRon til 50. Day 11 Age 37.53

It's not been easy today. I spent the night praying to God that my ex would realize what I did for her; How I gave my lifeblood and time to her and the extent to which she left me in the lurch. As a result I hardly slept at all. In addition, my scoliosis has been making me feel about 80 years old. So yeah. . . Nice start to the day but it really got raw toward the end. I felt so old and so useless. I'm going to sleep now. . . That's for the best. Anyone else feel like the mind is the worst enemy at times? Only thing one can do is switch it off. . . 

 Today was a definite down-day. It's been a great run but this has by far been the worst. I saw a girl looking at me and pointing with her friends at this huge intersection. Despite her interest, all I could do was think about my damaged back and how my life was over.  

I felt totally powerless today and there was just nothing I could do to lose that feeling. But I haven't given into the pRon and I still listen to Biblical stuff, and I feel like that's the main thing. These spirits don't want me to be free. Clearly. 

And that's despite this morning being really heavenly for me. It was the most beautiful morning. I went to the Thai market and felt as if I had just gotten off the plane. That feeling of freshness was back, and I forgot about all the girls who have been rejecting me lately.