No pRon til 50. Day 14 Age 37.591

I got all messed up this morning over having to go to work. But as the day wore on it became more and more laid back. I'm not tired like I used to be. And I'm just grateful for the little things. I seem to worry less about things that don't matter. 

 It seems like lust distorts the vision. Now I know what addiction is: It's like an attempt to make the waters less muddy by churning up more mud . We seem to think that by digging our hole deeper, we'll eventually cancel out the hole we're in. . .not knowing that digging away a hole is just impossible. . . If reality is bleak then let us face it. Blocking it  out by blurring it isn't helpful any more than an idiot's arguments are helpful against our better senses.

Picture an idiot arguing against you right now; and now the picture the reality you're arguing against as the reality you would try to show an idiot; in. That's how dumb we look on the higher plains of reality when we do dumb and self-destructive things like getting stuck in the hole of pRon .

I'm really grateful for the last student that I have on a Sunday. She's the highlight of my day. Not particularly beautiful as beauty standards would place her; but relatable; the girl next door. She's certainly far from ugly. She smiles and blushes at the right moments. She makes me feel happy to foster her education. I care for it like a mother chick cares for her hatchlings. 

I wonder if that's new? I haven't treated her or thought of her this way before as far as I know. She always comes in in her oversized T-shirt. I won't make too much of this attachment I feel towards her. I fall in love easily. But love seems to come alive when lust is out of the way. And what we all want is love. Ultimately. 

Looking into some wearables this morning I decided that I want to get the Sense.ai. It seems like a way to 1 up myself. Raise myself above the 99%. And that's what much of life is about. This is what my noPron mission is about too. 

I tend to see life in terms of percentages. Like a 46 percent reduction in the likelihood of dying from a heart attack if you visit the hot-springs at least 4-7 times a week. That's got to count for something; and so I'm going. I'm going there just now. . . 

There are so many things we can do to 1 up ourselves. I want to do them all but the 200 pushups and 200 squats per day will just have to wait. It's a little too demanding.