No pRon til 50. Day 21: Age 37.584

 Rough, rough rough... Oh it's been a rough few days. I couldn't get myself to do anything I needed to do... I feel and look old in the mornings. I don't want to live the life I'm living, being the person I am.

If familiarity breeds contempt, then isolation must needs breed self-contempt. Ragged man that I am; room always a mess and crawling with ants, I can't make head or tails of my destiny sometimes. 

Then some CEO turns up on TV and pours gasoline on the fire: "50 percent of jobs will go to AI in the next 24 months" or something like that. Then I take it for granted that because I'm studying for a future role as a tech engineer, my present job doesn't matter; and then that all goes awry. One student, accustomed to twisting my arms during lessons, makes me play games and then the mother comes and looks in the window and we're always playing games. Then she opens the door and gives the student a good talking to. How must I feel about these things? 

All the while my health is suffering because I need 4 hours of exercise to keep afloat. And the rich keep coming; and their brats keep coming. And I can't stand these little piss-ant know-it-alls. God help me!!!

Last night a terrifying dream about my ex and my feeling that it was all just a misunderstanding and that I needed to tell her this. When I woke up and thought about it and realized "Oh no, that's just insane. She's with another guy now anyway."