Don't be Afraid of the Sun...
Are things changing? I think so. It's day 5. I feel like I'm working towards something. I took a good look in the mirror this morning and I realize that I look better. It's been 5 days now since my last splurge. And I just look better.
I still have a lot of fears though. What if things stay like they are forever; what if I never truly move on and become someone or meet someone special?
It's scary: It's scary how some people in your life can disappear for good at a moment's notice. I guess you really have to appreciate those low-key friendships that you take for granted. Tonight I'll go to a barbeque with one such friend.
There have been a lot of frights in my life. Most of them have to do with people suddenly leaving or not being there at a moment's notice, sometimes no notice at all.
At times like these, I really have to turn on an audiobook of the Psalms and listen closely. In them I find so much consolation. The other day a black-winged demon flew out of the house leaving within me only a temporary wound from his years-long destruction.
Now I'm after a flow state... I woke up this morning really tired because I went to the hot springs last night; and I couldn't pry myself out of bed to do the morning running. Which sucked. But then I realized I probably needed the sleep.
Because people haven't been there for me, I tend to think about myself a lot. And I mean a lot. Is there more to the picture though? Should I just move towns? I'm not sure. First I would like to get my upper back strong enough to not feel like it's breaking each time I pick something up.
There are other bright spots too. I can feel that whenever I'm traveling and exploring, I'm doing really well. I think the key to being an interesting person is to never grow bored of the people you meet and the places you go, and frankly, I'm bored of both!
The art of lost potential...
Even writing this seems like a waste of time. But let me just say that I think I've mastered the art of losing potential by thinking about it.
Rather than executing on stuff, and I mean basic stuff, I've been going around to nice locations and dreaming about executing on said stuff.
This is a total waste of potential.
If you know that you need to do a certain repetitive task for the next 10 weeks or even the next year, and if you know that you can do it now, then do it!
I have some tests to write for my religious studies class, but instead of doing that I'd rather listen to shorts on YouTube. Look at yourself in the mirror and think how years you've wasted on not doing repetitive tasks like this . . .
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