NopRon until 50 Attempt 5 Day 1 age: 37.58

 This has been the worst day since I stopped. It's been horrible. Nightmarish. Intolerable. 

I realize now that I was wrong. 

No 20 minute hand-pounding is worth any of it. 

I remind myself more and more of Joseph. I am not like his brothers and because I'm not like the others in this world, I am unfavored by the world and favored by God. But unlike Joseph, I can't turn away from my lusts. 

What makes this situation even worse is that there are women willing to go along with such behavior. But I cannot and will not use women as objects. 

Therefore I am reminded that the only path here is by faith; that like Joseph, I will have to slog to make seven years of plenty before the seven lean years.