There are two tiers in normal life. Those who are survive and those who thrive. But nothing is a mistake in life: Nothing comes by chance. You have to prepare for it. If you thought life was about making money and beating out the Jones's, you've lost already. Life is: Desire for connection. All unhealthy competition is isolating. We live in an isolated-enough world already. This connection comes from a surprising place: Self-acceptance. A lot of us need to go back to the classroom. A lot of us need to take a silent breather and check in with what we need. This takes serious work. It's the real work. It relies on respect for others and self-respect. A lot of people in the self-help community try to push the self aside: Manning up is the only side of it they see. But there are certain non-negotiables in this life. Certain things we can't cheat ourselves out of. We are not a piece of meat being acted on. However, this is where God comes in. Some o...
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Bottling vs Brooding and Inner Chaos
This blog is a bit of a lifeline for me at this point.
I'm not sure how I will carry on, and yet I always do.
I'm a little harrowed.
A girl who is quite good-looking (a work colleague) sent me CCTV footage of me at the laundromat.
Apparently, I had her friend's hood. It's a detachable army hood that came out of the dryer.
I don't want to sound paranoid but it felt like I'd done something wrong that day. Maybe even something sexual.
That footage had me thinking about the time I sexted this girl who owns a lip tattooing service.
I wonder if she knows that girl.
The video had nothing to do with that incident, but it really felt that way.
So I got all carried away. She's Thai, this girl, and she sent this message that made it sound like I should go down to the school.
But what she was actually saying was that she wanted to send her friend to collect the article in question.
But I had spent all that time bottling and brooding.
Actually the bottling was when I didn't communicate.
I didn't say anything back when she said - or when I thought she said - I had to go to the school. I went down to the school anyway and on my way I hit a Thai cop roadblock.
I was so angry - my body language was so angry when I got off that bike that the cops patted me down and checked inside my bike. And instead of the usual 500 baht fine, they charged me 800. It was going to be 1000 baht but they reduced it when I told them I was a teacher.
I was listening to a bunch of sexual magnetism stuff today and sitting by myself must have triggered me. It's understandable. I've lost 60000 USD in trades, the most money I've ever had, and I won't have a new years on top of it.
I guess by the end of this I'll be really tough.
You get night people and day people. The ones who are awake late at night are enjoying the pleasures of the night. The carnal pleasures.
I on the other hand have nothing to celebrate.
I mean I've just been fined 800 baht and I've lost 60,000 USD which is 1.8 million baht (Actually 2 million) and this is my life.
I guess it's understandable.
But I think I should also just man up and get out a bit too.
Nonetheless. Bottling and brooding are unhealthy ways of handling things.
Bottling is when you fail to communicate.
Brooding is when you lash out and communicate too much like I did with the cops.
I'm also angry that I've been invited nowhere for new years. I'm prickly right now. Maybe I do need a beer. But that'll translate to a wasted day tomorrow.
Then there's this girl who really got under my skin. She invited me out 3 times and flaked on me.
And she's the backdrop to all of this. I really feel kind of sick.
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